at a loss

but for the record, not unhappy.
there's just too much going on inside now that it's competing with what's going on outside that i'm disoriented.

in an attempt to regain my balance i've been writing a lot -- here, in my journal, sticky notes tacked to my wall, back of receipts ...
i just need to siphon everything out so i can step back and rearrange the pieces to my emtional puzzle and make a big beautiful -- not necessarily pretty -- picture that may or may not make sense.

i still go about The Everyday but it spills over. i spent hours on end talking with jojo the past week because she sees what i don't and i want to see whatshe's seeing.

i'm hoping this will all dissipate soon but The Meantime is a bitch.

a curve ball from god

"jinggay! i haven't seen you cry since 2004!"

because since 2004 i had no reason to. boo!
that last night sa bocaray is what kamote fries are made of.

thank you kerol for being there.

30 again

it's not always about having fun.

it's just that laughter made things a little bearable, you know?
endorphins.

i guess i'm just feeling a little hurt.
and just like what ammu said, when you hurt someone, it makes them love you a little less.
so yeah, there's lesser love now.

it is kind of pointless talking about it since i'm not the only one feeling the brunt but not having anyone to turn or run to makes it kind of worse, that's all.


i've just never been one to buy the we're-all-in-the-same-boat/you're-not-the only-one-feeling-this/other-people-have-it-worse-than-you excuse disguised as an explanation.
i don't know.
i don't want to think about it anymore.

i'll just be 30 again --- accepting and fulfilling responsibilities gracefully and quietly.

*shrug*

um, i want to complain.

i find whining therapeutic. sorry, i don't do the marinate-in-my-issues-suffer-in-silence bit.
nope, not me.

SO

i'm going lang to whine a bit kasi naka-file yung leave ko now which i will cancel because the oriah mountain dreamer is right ;-)

i swear if it weren't for the people i work with i'd have slit my wrist ages ago.

i've been thinking of stuff to complain about (hahah weirdo)i'm feeling iffy and complaining lets me get rid of that iffy-ness although i can't find something to legitimately complain about.

i thought about complaining about my zit of the year but i can conceal it naman so i have that um, covered hahaha baduy pun.

i'd like to complain that i'm getting pasty and that i need to babad under the sun again but ive the breathe happiness gradual tannng lotion so yeah, i'm breathing happiness and i'm tanning naman gradually harhar.

hay.
so what to complain about?
hmmm.
nothing really.
baduy. what a beige boring life :p
does this mean i don't need to go to greenhills tomorrow for some retail therapy? *teehee*
yeah, i don't need to but i will kasi gusto ko eh.

or maybe the iffy-ness is excitement in disguise. kasi nga i'm going on a field trip tomorrow hahaha. this is the first time this year that we're going shopping as a team outside eastwood :p

baka nga. heehee.
ang bilis ng paradigm shift no? :p crazy.

s anyway, no dumaguete this week.
we do want to got there as a team (kasi na budol ko sila eh).
have to map out when. kelan kaya oktoberfest dun? hmmm. gotta ask around.

nge. finish na.

although i can't imagine na nag p-party sila sa harap ng church.

so ito na lang ang babalikan ko doon:



how cute is it that it looks like siliman?




just one weekend please god, before i short circuit.

ginawa namin sila background :p

last year 'to (obviously).
this was our pre-winter peak getaway.
i don't think we'd get to do a part 2 of this given the sudden developments.

my tag team partner resigned and jojo texted me kanina na there are stuff left undone. i'm on my 2nd day of leave pa lang (day 1 and 2 were waived because no one would dare admit that we are undermanned) and i told her, i'd report for work kung di lang fiesta ni sir frank. so i volunteered to work na lang on sunday.

150+ calls for R, 25 for O, backtracking of 60 IST transactions for Q4 benchmarking, plus the week- and month-end charts and numbers all due at the end of the quarter ... so tuesday night. *himatay*

hell begins on sunday. forgive me if i light up.

visit me sa eastwood, bring me coffee -- in an IV drip. be my salvation!
aida!!!