*apir* tayo mare!

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
- Anais Nin

Actually.

Some people do resolutions annually, it's a daily grind for me.
Minsan weekly ... monthly when I'm steady but I can't do yearly resolutions ---tagal. I can't keep track. *duling*

Basta. Happy New Year!

i'm the worst person to pick a fight with

chances are, i won't fight back.
i'll just probably laugh at you, commit an ad hominem and be on my merry way.

what's the use anyway? you won't win :p HAHAHA kidding!
no really, what's the use?

i think the only people who have the right to fight me or hate me are people who know me. i think it's just laughable and neurotic to the nth level to decide you hate someone you don't know. and your basis is your opinion of the person? ay, winner ka 'day.
kakaloka.

yun lang.


----

oh and ehehe somebody taught me how to cheat on sabel:

before:




after:



backup lang yan. in case sabel gives me a harder time than she already does :p

i went to UP today

i took sabel out for picture-picture (and para masanay na rin ako sa kanya).
35mm pa rin ginamit ko so contact prints muna and drama nito. ang saya, ang florofoto nag p-process ng 120s! yay. unti-unti ko nang nararamdaman ang love. and people have been texting me numbers of places in cubao where i can get slides and have them processed. eto na, i can say it: "sabel! this must be love!"
masaya na uli ako na nakatira ako sa sikatuna heehee.

anyway so yun nga, i picture-pictured with sabel. meron pa ako kasabay na photographer na mukhang nananabunot (yihii!) tapos ang serious nya mag picture with his big-ass dslr. ako camera ko, plastic na nga, pula pa. nagpapanggap na viewmaster hahaha so lumayo ako sa kanya :p

anyway so yun, namashal lang ako. yung pictures that will follow, hind kay sabel yan, sa N95 lang, with labo labo settings kaya yung pusa tuloy glow in the dark.

walang marker dati yung beta way. dati ang tawag lang dyan, shortcut from AS to Eng'g. Did you know that there are 107 steps from the AS Parking Lot to Eng'g? Binilang namin ni Ging yun dati when we were bored :p

AS, female wing. Wala naman shang mashadong ignificance sa akin pero the spot i'm standing at? dyan ako umiyak nung 3rd year ako kasi i was brokenhearted -- CHAROT! ang saya ng college, ang drama!

ito yung pini-picturan nung photographer na mukhang nananabunot at nananampal hahaha. ginaya ko lang sha... tawag kami ni god.

new breed of tambays sa library

look, the parking lot is empty. i got teary eyed after taking this shot and texted iza, mark ang ge-ann got sad din. iza didn't reply ... and mark? he asked if there was isaw.

dati you had to look for manang para makita yung space coz her tindahan was nasa tapat nun but now, o-ha? asenso!

hay, AS.

sundial. i took a picture of it kasi i've always liked sundials. hassle lang the parol oh.

the pusa is glow in the dark. what fun!

si sir pumasok mag isa.

this shot is for ging and iza because we heart dirty ice ream. it made the drama that was college bearable. that and grilled cheese sandwhich :)

still in big girl mode

but i can't keep my soul folded.
[kerol sweetie, you know i want to stop being a big girl but life calls :p]

there's this constant need to write because not writing is making my soul shrivel and/or explode.
so for sustenance, i ended up reading.

and re-reading.

i mentioned ammu, love and hurt (how one diminishes the other) in a previous post so i ended up re-reading "god of small things."
i don't know, maybe because i'm emotionally suicidal?
that book is a difficult read for an emotionalist like me.
how unwise, but yeah, that's me :-)

i'm the baduy, reflective, introspective one.
i can still be funny, and loud, and honest to the point of being tactless but i know i've mellowed.

so introspection -- sorting.
i'm still in the task of weeding so the love-hurt equation is kind of helping me weed out the people and memories i need to let go of, or at least pickle first before i bottle them up and shelve them.

so *3*
i'm still having a hard time saying goodbye to everything he left me.
there was a lot of love but there was also a lot of hurt.
a LOT of hurt that if you knew, you'd wonder how it is possible that i survived.
i swear, you have no idea.
so you can just imagine the love that was there because although the amount (and frequency) of hurt made me love him less -- a whole lot less -- the love that was left was still more than enough.

my hesitancy to tuck that part of me away is owing to the knowledge that time will be my enemy. more than it will be a consequence, forgetting will be a punishment.

all the positives that described me before became comparatives because of him -- like strong to stronger, brave to braver.

i'm well aware that there is a hole in my universe taking *3*'s shape.
i don't know which way to look to not see that gaping hole.
seeing that void makes me feel it.
the emptiness.
the absence.

but yes, big girl mode on.
so i should.
no matter how unwise, i will.
bye *3*.
you have been loved.

it's done.
aray ko.

on a (blogging) break

need to focus on big girl stuff :p
as for venting, it's 44 days til christmas so there's always shopping :p


see you when the dust settles!

thank you for making friday better

friday was made bearable by my college friends and this little guy:



and i didn't need to talk about anything (although iza and i will still have brunch tomorrow so that's that).
these people are magic.

30 again

it's not always about having fun.

it's just that laughter made things a little bearable, you know?
endorphins.

i guess i'm just feeling a little hurt.
and just like what ammu said, when you hurt someone, it makes them love you a little less.
so yeah, there's lesser love now.

it is kind of pointless talking about it since i'm not the only one feeling the brunt but not having anyone to turn or run to makes it kind of worse, that's all.


i've just never been one to buy the we're-all-in-the-same-boat/you're-not-the only-one-feeling-this/other-people-have-it-worse-than-you excuse disguised as an explanation.
i don't know.
i don't want to think about it anymore.

i'll just be 30 again --- accepting and fulfilling responsibilities gracefully and quietly.

*shrug*