the past few days have been an awakening of sorts.
leave it to me to turn a blind eye and let everyone i hold dear off the hook.
last tuesday, i caught myself off guard when i started crying while telling jojo my story.
i haven't had coffee and tears in a long time.
of course i wasn't able to tell jojo everything but she got it.
i got berated for not being open, for not giving them any inkling how grave things were.
'wag mo kasi daanin sa biro.'
'wag mong ipinagdadamot sa self mo yung kindness na you freely bestow on others.'
those two things, i can't help. happiness is my social dysfunction; couple that with buddhism and you got me.
i felt kind of sheepish having to be reminded that i have 45,098,245,078 people around me who love me and are willing to listen. for someone as madaldal as i am, i can be pretty mum about the more important stuff.
my drama queen days are over. i'm more like an iron princess.
so fuck you for mistaking me for a courtesan.
:p
