now THIS, i'd love to read

came out last tuesday.
wonder when it'll reach the bookstands here.

i read god and philosophy in college in preparation for my senior research because i was crazy enough to think my professor would approve a cliche :p
ayan, i ended up writing a paper debunking charity.
ay i'm digressing again!

anyway yeah, i read him again a few months after college.
i had a lot of time in my hands i ended up studying hermeneutics -- book of choice: the bible (bawal mag react!)
and then i read the qur'an/al-kitab,
the five classics of confucianism,
the bhagavad gita (which i didn't finish because the swirly drawings bothered me a lot, they gave me nightmares),
parts of the talmud,
the tao te ching
stuff about neopagan religions
.: religious diarrhea

i had to give the all this theism a rest so i turned to make up (nge) and anthony flew's presumption of atheism.
i don't know why. to level the field, i guess?

so yun.
and he comes out with this.
when i read about it, i let out a guffaw.
ha-HA!
yay you atheist you!

presuppose atheism pala until scientific proof of God's existence daw eh. and he is very clinical in his approach.
i'd like to see how he proves it --- and i'll have none of the thomist kakamotehan.

i guess antony flew couldn't escape the fact that he was a son of a preacher man -- well, methodist minsiter.

receptacle of useless information

So we were going down the escalade -- hahaha joke! escalator lang :p
so yun nga, we were going down the escalator when Red saw the tarp for the Psychic Festival.
Anyway...

R: Runes? What are those?
V: Elder Futhark Alphabet.
R: Huh?
V: Norse Alphabet. They were given to Odin, some NOrse god.
R: Si Thor ba 'to?
V: Hindi, si Odin nga. Basta, he hung himself upside down some tree ... I forget ... on the 9th day, yung point between life and death, he saw the Runes.
R: (gives me a weird look)
V: Totoo nga.
R: (look gets weirder)
V: Nagtatanong ka tapos pag sinagot, hindi maniniwala.

*kamot ulo*

haha ive always been the go-to gal for stuff that are walang kwenta,
like joao miranda --> the foriegn minister of angola hahahaha ngek diba? eh ano ngayon?
i'm pretty sure mu cousin ja can kick my ass now but at least it's still in the family :p

prettier and younger but not any better off

um, i want to complain.

i find whining therapeutic. sorry, i don't do the marinate-in-my-issues-suffer-in-silence bit.
nope, not me.

SO

i'm going lang to whine a bit kasi naka-file yung leave ko now which i will cancel because the oriah mountain dreamer is right ;-)

i swear if it weren't for the people i work with i'd have slit my wrist ages ago.

i've been thinking of stuff to complain about (hahah weirdo)i'm feeling iffy and complaining lets me get rid of that iffy-ness although i can't find something to legitimately complain about.

i thought about complaining about my zit of the year but i can conceal it naman so i have that um, covered hahaha baduy pun.

i'd like to complain that i'm getting pasty and that i need to babad under the sun again but ive the breathe happiness gradual tannng lotion so yeah, i'm breathing happiness and i'm tanning naman gradually harhar.

hay.
so what to complain about?
hmmm.
nothing really.
baduy. what a beige boring life :p
does this mean i don't need to go to greenhills tomorrow for some retail therapy? *teehee*
yeah, i don't need to but i will kasi gusto ko eh.

or maybe the iffy-ness is excitement in disguise. kasi nga i'm going on a field trip tomorrow hahaha. this is the first time this year that we're going shopping as a team outside eastwood :p

baka nga. heehee.
ang bilis ng paradigm shift no? :p crazy.

s anyway, no dumaguete this week.
we do want to got there as a team (kasi na budol ko sila eh).
have to map out when. kelan kaya oktoberfest dun? hmmm. gotta ask around.

nge. finish na.

although i can't imagine na nag p-party sila sa harap ng church.

so ito na lang ang babalikan ko doon:



how cute is it that it looks like siliman?




just one weekend please god, before i short circuit.

breathing blog entry

(of course i had to upload an old picture. payat days, you know :p)

anyway.
he doesn't look it 'no? but yeah, that's what marco is.
a walking, breathing, blog entry.

so i was browsing through the bestseller aisle a couple of hours ago, right?
and my mobile rings.

vera: yezzz marco?
marco: mare, meron ako tatanong sa yo.
vera: how to pronounce a word again?¹
marco: hindi. heeheehee (i swear he laughs like that)
vera: ano yun?
marco: matatawa ka.
vera: ano nga? (anticipating another endearingly absurd question hahaha)
marco: sino kumanta ng "...i'll be your wish, i'll be your dream, i'll be your fantasy?"

you knw at this point, if i weren't in a public place i would have either fainted or laughed like a hyena but since marco was laughing(slightly like a hyena) at the other end of the line and i was too vain to faint nga (plus masakit yun), sinagot ko na alng yung tanong nya.

vera: savage garden.
marco: ah ... heehee. nag d-download kasi ako ng songs nung kabataan² natin eh. may mga songs ako na ng boyzone ...

hahaha that was the clincher.
see?
walking, breathing blog entry.

_______________________

1 I received a phone call a couple of weeks back from marco's wife, duckee telling me that marco wanted to ask me something. of course, sheepish laughter could be heard in the background before the phone was passed. "mare, how do you pronounce w-a-n-d? waaand or wahnd? HAHAHA!

2 apparently kabataan for marco, is college. of course i had to tell him to download boyzone's cover of 'baby can i hold you' because our kabakyaan is the tie that binds us.

listening to dumb things make me dumb din

so right now, i have the il postino ost on loop.
maybe i can regain the IQ points that got shaved off the past couple of days. tapos i got sick pa. my utak got fried.
so i'll post this muna here so that my blog will have something beautiful naman for a change.


- I Like For You to be Still
by Pablo Neruda
I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.

As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul.
You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,
and you are like the word Melancholy.

I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.

And let me talk to you with your silence
that is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring. You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it's not true.

i think i'm ready to tell you how i feel about him.

if right now is a preview of forever, then i can't hack it.

i want the whole circus -- and everyday because i deserve it.
i want my halls to ring with laughter, my home to filled with love and have mad passion where it belongs.

i want my hearth -- cozy and comforting.

i know this might sound selfish because it's all about what i want but so? i'm claiming these things. they're mine, because i deserve all this.

with him, i'm scared that i've put too much importance on the history that it's like looking at the stars ... light from a thousand years ago.

i'm doubtful of what we have now.
how novel would it be to have that epic love, spanning lifetimes? quite a story to share, yes? it's the romantic sentimental fool in me that is gambling on this undefined relationship.

i used to think that it was okay but i don't want to sell myself short anymore.

you know what's funny? i don't know how to leave because i don't know we came to be or even if we already are.

i don't want to not have him in my life but it's hard for me to handle how he treats me now: a constant, a given.
steady.
steady -- i'm beginning to hate that word.
i don't want to leave just to prove him wrong but what we have is so quiet.
it's not the kind of quiet you feel watching the sun set on the horizon or the windmills turn.
it's the cold quiet a graveyard envelops you with.
with the same occasional sadness,
with regret pulling at your heartstrings for things left undone, and words left unsaid.
dead silence.

i'm going to close shop soon.