This cements it.

I love Joe.

--
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

The Fray was AMAZING!

I mean, they still are -- and will most likely forever be haha!

The house wasn't packed but you know what? It only gave Isaac more room to run around, high-five people and climb up to the nosebleed sections of the house hahaha

My favourite moment of the night though was when Joe took the mic and sang Ungodly Hour.
The thing is, I was hoping he would do Rainy Zurich but dear God, Ungodly Hour was out of this world unreal! I just stood there, listening.
Just listening.
Jacq and I were talking about how some artists draw their songs from their hearts or their egos but Joe? From the soul really.

This concert blindsided me. I'm still reeling.

And to think I almost missed it.

--

Picture, you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
To steady your hand

- Never Say Never

--
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Doxies

Just like their human, Olga and Helga are only behaved when asleep. :p
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

center of my universe

you used to be the best part of everyday.
i was defined by your existence in my life.

i am slowly easing into my new role: me without you.
i am not sad, bitter, or numb.
i'm just tired.

and a little empty.
you were a big part of my life.

i used to know everything about you. when people ask, i always had an answer. now i dont know where you are, because you are not with me.

it feels alien, you not here.

i will miss you. i promise.

for the not-so-random stranger who needs to read this

This used to be my story. The water washed it to your bank. Let it cleanse you, and know that it will not rest it your bank forever.
The current will take it out to sea.


By the river Piedra I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river—leaves, insects, the feathers of birds—is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget.

By the river Piedra I sat down and wept. The winter air chills the tears on my cheeks, and my tears fall into the cold waters that course past me. Somewhere, this river joins another,then another, until far from my heart and sight all of them merge with the sea.

May my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day I cried for him.
May my tears run just as far, that I might forget the River Piedra, the monastery, the church in the Pyrenees, the mists, and the paths we walked together.

I shall forget the roads, the mountains, and the fields of my dreams, the dreams that will never come true.

I remember my "magic moment"that instant when a "yes" or a "no" can change one's life
forever. It seems so long ago now. It is hard to believe that it was only last week that I had found my love once again, and then lost him.

I am writing this story on the bank of the River Piedra. My hands are freezing, my legs are numb, and every minute I want to stop.

"Seek to live. Remembrance is for the old," he said.

Perhaps love makes us old before our time or young, if youth has passed. But how can I not recall those moments? That is why I write to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance. So that when I finish telling myself the story, I can toss it into the Piedra. That's what the woman who has given me shelter told me to do. Only then in the words of one of the saints will the water extinguish what the flames have written.

All love stories are the same.

love from sabel

more pictures in hanivanivers/boracay bliss

pandora's box

last night i found out stuff that would have mattered had i learned of them when i needed to... like 10 years ago! :p
village friends+alcohol(lots and lots of it)=revelations galore.

ex.
"why'd you break up?"
"coz i didn't sense that he loved me. couldn't see/ feel/hear that he did."
"he did. you were everthing. everyday he'd tell me."
"but not me. i had no idea."


i can't even bring myself to regret.
i kind of feel sorry for the relationship but i'm at a point in my life where i'm absurdly steady that it armoured me from the potential pain and confusion i would have felt had i found out about these things in a different time.


life's like that. i hope he's well.

maybe i'm not as histrionic as i think i am.

it still makes me senti everytime someone sincerely tells me i've touched his/her life, that i've moved them in some way, or opened their eyes to new things.


i guess it was always enough na lang kasi for me to know that they have a place in my life, and that i would not -- and could not be the me i am now had it not been for them.
knowing that i have a place in their universe -- and not just them in mine -- makes me all emotera and iyakin and hiya and thankful and lucky and humbled and happy
basta seven million emotions cramped in my fist-sized heart (and you know how small my hands are.)

thank you, i love you and even if you stop, it will be a long time before i do, if at all.

i think i'm ready to tell you how i feel about him.

if right now is a preview of forever, then i can't hack it.

i want the whole circus -- and everyday because i deserve it.
i want my halls to ring with laughter, my home to filled with love and have mad passion where it belongs.

i want my hearth -- cozy and comforting.

i know this might sound selfish because it's all about what i want but so? i'm claiming these things. they're mine, because i deserve all this.

with him, i'm scared that i've put too much importance on the history that it's like looking at the stars ... light from a thousand years ago.

i'm doubtful of what we have now.
how novel would it be to have that epic love, spanning lifetimes? quite a story to share, yes? it's the romantic sentimental fool in me that is gambling on this undefined relationship.

i used to think that it was okay but i don't want to sell myself short anymore.

you know what's funny? i don't know how to leave because i don't know we came to be or even if we already are.

i don't want to not have him in my life but it's hard for me to handle how he treats me now: a constant, a given.
steady.
steady -- i'm beginning to hate that word.
i don't want to leave just to prove him wrong but what we have is so quiet.
it's not the kind of quiet you feel watching the sun set on the horizon or the windmills turn.
it's the cold quiet a graveyard envelops you with.
with the same occasional sadness,
with regret pulling at your heartstrings for things left undone, and words left unsaid.
dead silence.

i'm going to close shop soon.

the pair iza likes

these naman are my ligaw shoes. yihee, pasimple. boy and girl walking the pets kunwari pero nag papa-inlove naman hahaa.
crazy, ginawan ng kwento yung shoes :p

now i can write

i had two kilos of "aarrgh" in my chest (and no, i'm not talking about the girls :p) and i didn't want to soil my blog by writing about them.
i let it out na so that's over.

i guess i'm just really lucky thankful to have people in my life who get me, and they are the ones i laugh with, and run to and keep.
PLUS they know the irritating, annoying, unlovable side of me
--- like how cranky i get when i'm hungry, how condescending i can sometimes sound, how i wish all the bad karma in the universe be reaped by a certain co-dependent, attention-whoring girl who is rotten rotten rotten to the very core ---
AND STILL forgive me for it because they get it.

i hope everyone has at least one person in their life who gets them, you know, people who not just understand but as in really really GET them.
yes, even that co-dependent, attention-whoring girl who is rotten rotten rotten to the very core.

the inner quiet you get by just being around them (even if your chismisan and laughter is loud enough to wake the dead) is priceless.
i can't describe what it's like but
if you have people like that in yours, you'll get it.

purgare anima meum

exhale.

i don't respond to passive-aggressive behaviour.
if you're mad pissed at me, tell me because really, you won't get anything from me if you're being cold and deadma.
i don't pick up on that.
i'm um, how do i say this -- dense. hahaha.
and you'll end up going crazier by the minute because my cluelessness will make it seem i'm nananadya tapos you'll end up giving up. sayang time and effort mo tuloy na you're mad tapos hindi ko alam diba?
BUT
on the rare occasion na gets ko, i'll get tired of waiting around for the set-to (sorry i don't corner people into admitting how they feel about me. that's too histrionic even for me)tapos i'll erase you na lang from my universe. i have no room for artistas.
that's it pansit.
that's my rant for the year. thank you.

on a happier happier notechibel, i have a new puppy.


haha kamukha ko.
the dawg and his bitch.
i'm crazy in love with him.

after pato died, jek gave birth to 5 puppies.
2 were stillborn so we had three puppies for a month -- espresso, latte and mocha.
and then jek died because of some freak accident (na i don't want to talk about because it will make me all kinds of sad and angry again and i don't like feeling that way.)
anyway, so espresso became all weak and tamad to eat and we thought he was just depress-depressan so we had him confined and stuff para mag live pero namatay eh.
shoot. tapos i talked to the vet and i asked her kung baka parvo and it was!
so nag panic naman ako and i told my mommy to confine the two other puppies.

yung lobby namin parang doggie hospital. long story short, gumaling naman yung dalawa but latte died of complications and si mocha na lang.

and now he's the king of everything.

our kitties tuloy are confined to the kitchen and the banyo, poor things.




i don't want naman to bring them out kasi it's starting to rain and they might get wet and scared and run away tapos i'll worry about them -- if they've eaten na, or if they're cold or baka they got run over and shit hay!

pet love = strezzz!